What is it With Jam Bands? Or, My Night at the Allman Brothers Concert
OK, before you get all up ins about taking it for granted, I had a good time. It was an excellent concert. I know I will never see 2 more talented guitarists than Warren Haynes and Derek Trucks on stage together (thanks to The Saint for pointing that out). I know I am lucky to have seen them. I am happy to say I have seen the Allman Brothers in concert. But, it's not me. I've learned, since meeting The Saint, that I don't like jam bands. Those are bands that play endlessly, just jamming with each other as if no one else was around, even though there are other people around, people that paid good money to hear the shit that's on the radio, dammit. Lyrics? Eh, maybe, if they feel like it. Mostly it's just guitarists playing with each other. Like Phish, or the Grateful Dead. (Although my real problem with the Dead is that they sound like a cat being sucked into a turbine engine)
I know it's about the music, man; it's about the feeling and the soul, man; it's about the way the music speaks to me, man...but it only says 'bathroom break' to me. I don't want to hear a bunch of guys jerk each other off on stage, musically speaking. (Or literally. Ew) I don't want to hear the 33-minute instrumental The Saint listens to at the gym as an encore. It's not even about the style of music. I've seen Government Mule a bunch of times, and I like a few songs I've heard from The Derek Trucks Band. I just don't like the endless guitar, the long, drawn out chords that go on forever and rarely ever resolve and sound like the musicians are conducting weird experiments and using the audience as guinea pigs. And most of the audience is so stoned they go along for the ride, even if it's long and repetitious.
There is music that speaks to me, music that can bring me to tears and fill me with absolute joy, but it ain't jam music. I'd rather go see Victor Calderone. (That's a trick. He's a DJ. I'd have to go to a club to see him, and I stand a better chance of dragging The Saint to see "Jersey Boys" than a nightclub) I'd rather see U2, who I hear are playing Giants Stadium in September. (hint hint!!) Snake River Conspiracy, The Crystal Method, Scorpio Rising, The Cure, Jimmy Buffett, George Strait, to name a few. That music speaks to me. (Wow, is that not the most bizarre combination of musical styles?)
I know it's about the music, man; it's about the feeling and the soul, man; it's about the way the music speaks to me, man...but it only says 'bathroom break' to me. I don't want to hear a bunch of guys jerk each other off on stage, musically speaking. (Or literally. Ew) I don't want to hear the 33-minute instrumental The Saint listens to at the gym as an encore. It's not even about the style of music. I've seen Government Mule a bunch of times, and I like a few songs I've heard from The Derek Trucks Band. I just don't like the endless guitar, the long, drawn out chords that go on forever and rarely ever resolve and sound like the musicians are conducting weird experiments and using the audience as guinea pigs. And most of the audience is so stoned they go along for the ride, even if it's long and repetitious.
There is music that speaks to me, music that can bring me to tears and fill me with absolute joy, but it ain't jam music. I'd rather go see Victor Calderone. (That's a trick. He's a DJ. I'd have to go to a club to see him, and I stand a better chance of dragging The Saint to see "Jersey Boys" than a nightclub) I'd rather see U2, who I hear are playing Giants Stadium in September. (hint hint!!) Snake River Conspiracy, The Crystal Method, Scorpio Rising, The Cure, Jimmy Buffett, George Strait, to name a few. That music speaks to me. (Wow, is that not the most bizarre combination of musical styles?)
I'm sorry Skydog. I hear you, but I just can't understand what you're trying to say.
Random Thought of the Day #4
Why do cars have parking lights? You know, those yellow lights between the brake lights and backup lights. You're supposed to put them on when you're parked on the road. But it's illegal to park on the road. And if you are parking on the road, you put your hazards on. So why are parking lights even an option? It's a dangerous place, that limbo between on and off. You think you've got your lights on, but really you're stuck in parking light purgatory, and you can't tell because the dashboard lights are lit, and people are flashing their lights at you, and you're thinking "what the hell is your problem, you asshole!!", and you finally figure out your lights aren't on when you're turning into your driveway, and experience the burning embarrassment of knowing that you are the asshole.
For the record, I am not the asshole; I passed said asshole on the FDR drive last night.
Crying Over Spilled Milk
Anyway...great film. Really powerful. And Sean Penn? Crazy good. Very glad he won best actor. He totally deserved it. By the way; is it me, or was this year's flock of films a lot better than previous years? For the first time in a long time, I cared about who won, and I believed everyone who was nominated (and won) actually deserved it. None of that bullshit Russell Crowe winning best actor in 2000 for "The Gladiator", then being shut out in 2001 for a brilliant performance in "A Beautiful Mind" because the Academy wasn't cool with a repeat, so they gave it to Denzel Washington for an eh performance in "Training Day", when everybody knew Crowe deserved to win. That's the kind of shit that makes me want to find the members of the Academy and knock some heads together. And what is "the Academy", anyway? Are they like the freemasons? How do you get in? Do you have to run naked through Grauman's Chinese Theatre on opening night at the Gay Porn Film Festival? Seriously. Love to know.
Shit, I got way off track. Normally I don't post about politics or religion or social issues, because it just starts a shitstorm and I never have an umbrella. And talking social issues with people you know is like bring a gas can to a good old-fashioned witch hunt. You can be sure there's gonna be a lot of screaming, and somebody's getting burned. So here I go breaking my rule. A woman I know also saw the film, and told me she really liked it. Said it really made you think, really opened your mind to the plight of gay people. Next words out of her mouth? "Now, I don't think they should be allowed to be married". I bit my tongue. Actually, I bit my lip to keep from saying anything. She went on to say God didn't approve, and civil unions were fine, but the movie really made you think about the hardships they've had to endure. I think my hair was on fire at that point. It made me so angry. She honestly didn't see her hypocrisy. To her credit, she said those were just her beliefs, so she's not a bigot. But damn, seriously?
Here's my thing about gay marriage. Ready? Who gives a flying fuck? And I mean that. Think about it. Why the hell does anyone care who gets married? You didn't care when I got married, but all of a sudden you care that your neighbors are getting married? I sure as hell didn't care when you got married, or to whom. It's not my business. It's not your business. We shouldn't even be having this discussion, you shouldn't be reading this ridiculous waste of cyber space. It shouldn't be an issue. But it is. So, here's my alternate take on gay marriage: who gives a flying fuck what you think? I understand that for religious reasons, many people see the marriage of two people of the same sex as wrong. That's your prerogative. That's your belief, and no one is taking that from you, or trying to negate it. You have a right to believe what you want. But marriage isn't always a religious thing. People also get married at the courthouse, not by a man of the cloth, but by some guy in a bad suit. Did God give the bad suit guy the right to marry people? No, the state did. So now the state is God?
Come on people. Really. If a gay couple tried to get married in your church, well, then, maybe you'd have an argument. But you're going to say people you don't know and have never met can't get married in somebody's house, by some crazy hippy lady with a license to wed? Gay couples just want the same legal rights as straight couples. And don't give me that civil unions crap. They don't work. They only invite discrimination. Take a look.
I just can't get past the bigotry that's out there. And I'm not saying I'm perfect, that I've never discriminated. Of course I have, everyone has. But I'm not a bigot. I have my beliefs, but I would never, ever tell you that you can't have yours. (Even if you're a moron) And I do my best to listen and see the validity of your views. (Even if you're a moron) I've heard your arguments, and I think you're a moron. But that's my belief, and you are welcome to disagree. Moron
Film School on TV: 31 Days of Oscar
For those of you who may not know, I was a film student in college. I spent my time studying both the art and theory of film, from directing and cinematography to producing and writing. It was fun, and it was expensive. So, if you don't happen to have an extra hundred grand lying around, turn on your T.V and flip to TCM. (That would be Turner Classic Movies, for those of you not in the know).
I have always enjoyed TCM's 31 DAYS OF OSCAR®, even before I started studying film (and before I agreed to do a review for it). They show Academy Award®-winning and nominated films for a month; what's not to love? Not a crappy film to be found. This year, the theme is "TCM University". Each day is devoted to a different academic field, like biology or world history. But it's not boring like biology or world history. We never studied "2001: A Space Odyssey" in Evolutionary Biology. Not that I actually took Evolutionary Biology, but whatever. There are more than 350 movies on tap, in 93 different courses. And you don't have to get up at 8:00 a.m! Bless you, TiVo.
31 DAYS OF OSCAR® runs through March 3, and you can get the "class schedule" (I'm so witty!) on TCM's website .
Oh, I'm supposed to say one more thing. The 81st Annual Academy Awards ceremony is Sunday, Feb. 22, at 8 p.m on ABC. I hope I don't get fired for making reference to a rival network.
Dear Ticketmaster: Suck It!
I have always hated Ticketmaster , but this just seals the deal. We (4 of us, with a total of 6 computers, in 2 different states) logged on to get Springsteen tickets the exact second they went on sale. None of us could get through. We got this message: "Our ticketing system is currently unavailable due to routine maintenance". Routine maintenance? At 9am when tickets for 20 different shows go on sale? What the fuck is that?? Needless to say, we didn't get tickets. I emailed to ask what the fuck happened. Here's what I got:
Thank you for contacting us. We regret any inconvenience you may have experienced. When a popular event goes on sale, such as Bruce Springsteen, there are literally hundreds and sometimes thousands of customers simultaneously attempting to purchase tickets across all distribution channels. Like any limited commodity, tickets are sold as long as seats are available, and sometimes they go quickly. If 500 fans are simultaneously buying four tickets each, 2,000 tickets can be sold in a matter of seconds! It's the same reason why a typical 18,000-seat arena can sell out in a few minutes.
When a well-known and talented artist schedules live performances, invariably the demand for the finite number of tickets increases dramatically. This was clearly demonstrated in the case of your selected event.
Thank you for using Ticketmaster, where we continually strive to provide World Class Service to every customer, every day! We very much appreciate your business, and hope we were able to resolve any problems or answer any questions you had. Please reply to this email if we may be of further assistance.So you're telling me that 9 gazillion Springsteen fans logged on at the exact same time and crashed the system? OK, let's go with that. Then why didn't the entire system crash? Just for shits and giggles, I tried getting tickets for other Springsteen shows in the area: Nassau Coliseum, Hartford...I got the good old "can't find tickets sucka" message. (Duh. It was 9:10 at that point) So why did my particular concert venue crash and burn? BOTH shows. Trying to get tickets for either show gave you the same error message. Huh.
Wait, wait, it gets better! In my letter I made mention of the fact that there are tickets available on Ticketmaster's "sister sites", marked up to ridiculous prices. Check this bullshit:
Ticketmaster does not, as a matter of practice nor specifically in this instance, remove seats from general availability in order place them in resale on TicketsNow... The tickets you reference having been listed on TicketsNow may have been acquired in pre-sale or in the general on-sale by individual fans, as well as some tickets brokers. TicketsNow is a safe and secure digital domain that provides support for the secondary ticket marketplace. Neither Ticketmaster nor TicketsNow own the tickets listed. Tickets are sold at current market rates, meaning they are priced based on the demand for tickets.See that last part there, the "current market rates" part? So...let's assume Ticketmaster does not own the tickets on its sister sites. Say it really is just a safe domain for the "secondary ticket marketplace". Secondary tickets...that means someone has them and is trying to sell them. Market rates based on demand...that means tickets are sold at a higher rate because people are desperate for them. Let's see...that would be, uh, wait, it's on the tip of my tongue oh yeah SCALPING. Ticketmaster is, in effect, providing scalpers with a safe, anonymous, and legal way to bend unlucky fans over the barrel. How forward-thinking of them.
Sadly, the average fan has no recourse here. Ticketmaster is virtually the only way to buy tickets for concerts, sporting events, hell, even the circus. You can't even get tickets at stadium websites anymore. They direct you to Ticketmaster. The company has a monopoly on ticket sales, and we have no choice but to bend to its will...or the will of its "sister sites".
Of course, we could all screw scalpers and TicketsNow by refusing to buy secondary tickets. Those fuckers would lose money instead of turning a profit, since they've got tickets nobody's willing to buy. But that will never happen. Why? Because we're fans. We live for the game, the music, the show. That's what fans do.
You know the very very very best part? If you go to the website, Bruce Springsteen is right there on the front page "tickets on sale now!". Seriously? Suck it. Just suck it.
Resolved: One Resolution
What is it about January that makes everything all shiny and new? I don't see how January 1st is any better than December 31st. In fact, it's probably a much shittier day since you've got your face in the toilet nursing the mother of all hangovers. Now that's the way to start the year, waking up on the bathroom floor with the distinct taste of ass and cigarettes in your mouth. Yay new beginnings!
Why do we need an excuse to better ourselves? Why wait until January 1? Why not June 1? Or tomorrow? After all, it is the first day of the rest of your life. (By the way, I hate that fucking saying. It's also one day closer to your death. Ever think about that, Shiny Happy People? Piss off) I guess I understand the concept, you know, "new year, new you" and all that happy horse shit. But really, why set yourself up like that? You know damn well you're not going to lose weight or quit smoking or jog 5 miles a day or ooh what's that on T.V is that the new season of House ??
So, you start the new year with a big fat lie, knowingly setting yourself up for failure within minutes weeks, which then sets off a prolonged guilt trip -- not only for breaking your resolution, but for perpetrating that big fat lie in the first place -- that results in you gaining 15 pounds and going up to 2 packs a day. Gee, where do I sign up? Wait, I missed that boat, didn't I, it being the middle of January and all? Oh well. There's always next year.
O Cookie! My Cookie!
On Thanksgiving you're supposed to give thanks for what you have, right? -- what, by shoveling it into your face? It's supposed to be a season of giving, but I'm pretty sure you're supposed to give to others, not to your thighs. So why do we do it, then? Please, tell me why I'm carrying around an extra 5 pounds of Christmas cookies in my ass. And why exactly are there Christmas cookies? You can buy cookies in the store every damn day -- why do people choose Christmas to bake their own and have them at every fucking party and family function known to man? And then to add insult to injury, the assholes give them out as gifts! Bastards! Why must you give the cookie a bad name by turning it into a fundamental piece of Holiday Heft? What you're really saying is: "I don't like you enough to buy you a gift, but I don't hate you, and it would be rude not to have a present for you, so here's a little something that is really just a gift for me because in 2 weeks your ass won't fit into your office chair and I'm gonna laugh about it. Not to your face, though. Because that would be rude. Happy holidays!". There aren't any Independence Day cookies. No Martin Luther King, Jr. Day cookies. So what the fuck, people? Stop with the damn cookies! And the green bean casserole. Why do people only serve that nasty shit around the holidays? What makes it so special that we only whip out the Cream of Mushroom Soup and french friend onions around Christmas? Hell, maybe Jesus really did have a thing for it.
I'm tired of spending the entire year regretting giving so much thanks for what I have. I guess now I actually have an excuse to be an ungrateful bitch. Sweet.
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