So my kid is obsessed with this dumbass series of apps called "Talking Friends". Lemme tell you something. These things are not your friends. There are several characters, animals mostly, with Santa as the one exception. Yes, Santa. Somehow the developers managed to sully not only kittens and puppies, but that paragon of childhood innocence, the fat man in a red suit. And Santa Claus.
I will say this, you can punch the characters in the face, which is about the only redeeming quality I've found. The killer is the mimicry. You say something, and they repeat it back in a horrible high-pitched voice that was originally used as a Klingon torture device. It provides hours of
Apparently the free version of the apps has pop-up youtube videos of the various characters singing karaoke, of which I was unaware until I heard "We are neva, eva, eva getting back togetha" coming from the back seat, where I thought my beautiful 5-year-old had been sitting, not some Kidz Bop-loving pop princess body snatcher.
The next few minutes were a blur, but the snippets I did catch made my blood run cold. I threw up in my mouth a little bit at "Katy Perry"and "Taylor Swift", although the "Who Let the Dogs Out" reference was this.close to being funny. But the last of my sanity broke when the words "Gangnam Style" came out of her mouth. Immediately I blurted "Oh my God", and not in an 'oh what a horrible surprise' way, but a walking-in-on-your-parents kind of way. Incredibly I somehow did not blurt something more colorful, as is my style. Proof positive I lost my mind.
Her father informs me she sings that shit with her friends at school. What kind of parents are these people, to let their kindergartners listen to the worst music ever in the history of ever, ever? I have forever lost my faith in humanity, and await the day alien overlords chain us to tree roots and force us all to mine for floride, which is apparently what this particular alien race needs to survive (who knew?). And mark my words, punishment for insubordination will include a pair of headphones and "Gangnam Style" on loop. And then you all owe me 20 bucks.